I'm gonna make it anyway.

Tumblr_m4ri19ilkf1r09h75o1_500

It's another new month! Happy June everybody! :) Its already the 3rd of June to be precise, which means I'm left with exactly....three weeks to mug for my exams, ugh. The thought of it is just....sigh. 

So anyway, I've been itching to do a blog post since..forever. Its pretty addictive, heh. I was reading through my blog posts yesterday (i know right, like what a weirdo), but I realised I've always been talking about love and love..and love. Its pretty much the one thing that surrounds me. And I realised that I'm the girl that never not have a boyfriend for my entire life, I mean, it just feels weird for me to not have a boyfriend because i've pretty much had one ever since my teenage life kick-start. Heh. 

Img_3546

There's my handsome, sexy boyfriend <3 Handsome, isn't he? Hehehe, he's also my fiance, although proposals are in need, but you know i know ;) Heh. He's the best thing that ever happened to me, but right now, time is sucha constraint for us with our different schedules and everything. But I haven't really said this....I really felt like giving up everything for him once. Just to be with him. But I know I have to be independent and can't rely on him for every single thing in my life that I do. So I'm gonna be strong, and perservere, I can do this, right? I've done it before, I'll do it again. Sigh, just gotta persevere. 

Tumblr_m4tdfu8umk1qlccb8o1_500

So anyway, the main reason I wanted to blog today was because I've got so many things to vent, and I can't exactly tell them in exact words to anyone, so I'll write, cause that's what I do best. So there's this guy, my ex, the one I said that he seemed like the perfect guy but is so not? Well, yeah, yesterday I went for this clique reunion that they so kindly invited me to, 'cause I thought they'd hate me after everything I've done to him, like break up with him and stuff like that, and he was there. It was awkward, because the moment I alighted from the bus, at the interchange, he was there alone. Waiting for someone, but no idea who. And he just walked with me to the mall to meet them. And all we ever shared were a few how-do-you-dos and smiles and stuff like that. But it was a little weird 'cause it made me felt like nothing had changed. But I can't help but feel wary of him, like I was afraid he'd do something to me. But then we met up with the rest, and then everything else faded away, 'cause I finally saw my favourite girl <3 Gosh, its been so long since I saw her, but I really missed her. Heh. So yeah, we chatted like it was entirely our own world and caught up with everything else. It was so nice :) Yeah, and then during the entire lunch process, I could feel that it was okay, everything was gonna be fine. And when one of the guys called me and asked me to pick him up from the gate cause he didn't know where to walk from, "he" followed me too, and then there was that awkward trying-to-break-the-ice thingy again. Yeesh. But yeah, and then after all of that stuff, I wanted to go. I wanted to leave early, because some wanted to bowl, some wanted to go someplace else to study. And I didn't felt like bowling and I wanted to study but it was just awkward with him and his friends, so I decided to go and meet my boyfr. But then he got mad at me, for leaving early, and for thinking that things were awkward when it wasn't for him. I mean like, wtf dude. It is awkward for me, and I just couldn't say anything about it. I could see and feel the way his friends looked and avoided me, he just couldn't understand. I was so pissed and angry about it, gosh. 

And at night, he tweeted all those tweets and it seemed like I was the one who tore up his life and that he was so used to the pain that I've inflicted on him and everything. And I've apologised for a thousand trillion times already. I mean, what did he expect me to do? After everything he's been through, I thought that he'd have changed by now. But no, he didn't, apparently. He texted me and stuff like that and said that he wished that he never met me and have never been together with him before and its like...how did I know things would end up like this? Sigh, and now you're blaming me for everything that I couldn't control. If I knew things would end up this way, I wouldn't have done things that way too. He kept guilt-tripping me and just let everything wash up on me like this. Can't he be a man about it? He told me he still loved me and don't think that he'll ever move on, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and actually liked you, and made you loved me and I'm sorry you can't move on. Maybe you're just not trying hard enough. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused, and for everything else that I've made worst for you. But I didn't ask for this, didn't ask for my feelings to not be strong enough to last, because no matter how much I liked you, or loved if that was possible, I couldn't un-love B. Sigh and I love him so much, things won't ever change. I'm sorry, for all the pain I've caused and if there were enough sorrys in the world, I'd make it up to you. But please know I never asked for this. But you know, you have to stop asking me to remain as friends with you, to be friends with your best friends again. Because I hurt you, I don't think that would ever be possible again. And I'm sorry if this was your wish, but you know this isn't possible right now. Maybe in the future, but just not now. And I'm sorry, but I have to remain as nothing to you right now. I'm sorry. 

Tumblr_lrwfsav85s1qjkapko1_500

So...after everything yesterday, the night ended pretty badly. Sigh. And my boyfr. Sigh. I don't know if its just me, or its really the reality right now, but he just...I don't know. Its like its hot and cold. And I can't differentiate the difference. I can feel this change in us. Or maybe its just because its the exam period. But I don't know, we're not as crazily in love as before, but its only been a few days, it couldn't have changed much, could it? I don't know. And he doesn't seem to mind about all of these stuff. Everything I tell him, it seems like he's indifferent, and like he doesn't mind at all. And he replies in this jokingly manner I don't even know if he's serious. Maybe I'm just thinking too much, but sometimes...I don't know. Sometimes I don't wanna feel, 'cause all I feel is these differences and I just....it unsettles me. 

Tumblr_m4pg089dsz1qhtw75o1_500

You know, I love the way you make me feel. It makes me feel alive, strong, and happy. You make me feel pretty, bring out the best side in me. You make me motivated, strong and have faith to take chances in everything. Can you feel the changes in me from the first time we ever dated? I feel more bold, daring, stronger, louder. We've found a place in this world for us, and I don't know how long this place may last for us, but we'll keep going won't we? All these insecurities I'm having or have, you'll make them go away. All the I'm afraid your feelings might change, you might leave one day, or someone better than me would come along and all that rubbish, they'd go away because iloveyou, wouldn't it? You wouldn't give me up, give us up for anything, would you?

 

(download)

I just wanna ride off into the sunset with you. To go anywhere else with you but here. We wouldn't have to face anything else, just us. It'll begin and end with just you and me. But I'm just daydreaming, aren't I. I hope you know darling, that even though I've got my head in the clouds, and think that I can get it all, I know that I've got you. And I know you know how much iloveyou, and how badly I want a place in this world for us, how badly I want us to make it. Just gotta have faith, huh baby? I think you know how I feel now...I just hope that one day I'd be able to hold on to the fact that you feel exactly the same way permanently :) 

Here are two songs for you, and you'll know what I mean, iloveyou xxx 

 

 

With love, 

xoxo.

 

Florence Lee

Florence Lee

Amour Infinito ∞
Did I mention how absolutely how eccentric I can get?
Oh, and people call me Flo (:

I believe that love's the strongest thing in this world, and that true love does exist. We just gotta find it. And I think I already did.

& Someday, I'm gonna be living in Paris.

Archive

2013 (50)
2012 (5)
Posterous theme by Cory Watilo