Dreams.
Anyway, I think that studying has made me gone mad. Its like my brain has these really weird on-going conversations inside and no matter how much I yell (internally) in attempts of asking it to stop, it just won't. And I have been having these really weird dreams lately...with all sorts of weird scenes, just like last night, I dreamt that there was this girl in my dream (i can't remember her face at all) but she was i think...fighting for B? Haha, and then the scene was in a toilet..a gigantic toilets, those you see on tv in mansions and stuff, and I was in thongs and everything in a queue with other girls, and we were queuing for our turn to lie in the bath tub for these two men to shave us, one of which, was B. Hahaha, it was damn weird, and I think that he would have been really glad if this was real hahha cause they were literally touching all the girls in those sexy lingerie. Haha, keeding. But yeah, weird dreams.
So Promos is in.....about eighteen days to be precise. And dad has been constantly asking me about whether I've put in enough effort, or what I'm gonna do if I really can't promote..and I always get stuck at these questions cuz I really hold no answer to them. I mean, I sure damn well hope that I can promote and just get these two years over and done with, but I also came up with the thought that if I really do fail at this level, I'd drop to poly and take the course that I want, and at least I'd be happy cuz you'd be there alongside fighting with me, and at least I'd have more flexible schedules and I think that I'd be more blissful than right now (I'm suffering literally) but I also know that I wanna get to uni so badly.
You know, actually I've thought of this since the start of this year...I had a lot of dreams, and all of them involving you.
Dreams like these....and I can't help but wonder why.....why can't we just get to the part where we get together. Isn't it reality? Isn't it still our lives? Why are people so afraid that commitment might drag them down, or it might hinder something else in their lives? Is commitment really so bad? Cause I don't believe that. My parents always discouraged me having a relationship cause they believed it might hinder your studies. Sure, it might at some point in your life. But when you're grown up and you know what you want and what you're fighting for, what's really stopping you? My dad always said "You're young...don't bind yourself. Don't keep yourself locked up in the cage with that one person." Is that not living life? Is loving not living? Because I don't believe that. Love rejuvenates you. It pumps you, it gives you drive, purpose, adrenaline. Sure, if you get emotionally involved to a large extent, it might make or break you. But I'm sure that you don't stop living your life when you love.
I had a really great friend who once said this...She said, "I wanna get married early, you know? If I could, I would get married the moment I turn legal." I asked why. She said, "It doesn't mean that you have to be single to live your life, to have fun. If you really love that one person, they'd mean the whole world to you. Your life would be like living shadows without them. Maybe its true, if you marry too young, you might miss out on things that you would have done if you're single. But being married is just a status, it doesn't bind you in doing things, sure legally, but in having fun? You don't have to live your life only when you're single. Why can't you start living your life when you're married? You'd have one more person to share your joy with. Double happiness."
To be honest, every girl's dream is to feel like a princess, have a perfect wedding. That's the thing that we're all fighting for in the end: Love. Every single thing you're doing, studying, working, living. Its all to maintain something, to keep expectations up, to earn a living for your family, or to just live. Its all for loving. If you don't love, what are you made of? You love someone now.(the person just came to your mind) You love him/her for who she is. He/she might mean a whole great deal to you. And when the time's ripe, you wanna get married. And you wanna get married to that one person. (haha now you're fantasizing it)
I don't know if every girl thinks about marriage like that I do all the time. But I've dream, dreamt, am still dreaming for my wedding day. I don't mind marrying young to be honest. I've always dreamt of getting married young, travelling the world with my other half, then start a family when we're gonna be old enough hahaha. But you know, I honestly can't wait to get married. I wanna get married. I wanna love someone for the rest of my life, and wake up to them every single morning. I wanna be a mom, and I wanna just..you know. Haha there are a lot of things. I wanna live my life, and I wanna get married and start living my life.
You know...when you love someone, don't let it go. Its hard to find back whatever you guys had, because its only once in a life. No love is ever gonna be the same in your entire life. So live guys, love. Cause it'll be the only thing that keeps you going when you think that you have no one else in the world.