Confused

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What happened to my happy self? That crazy, wild girl who never cared less for how she looked. That girl who seemed strong despite all the vulnerability that held close to her heart. The girl that was always smiling, laughing, always making others jealous with how happy she was. The girl that couldn't care two pennies about what everyone else thought about her, who couldn't care who the hell bitched behind her, who couldn't care how messy she looked, who always, always knew things were gonna be better cuz she is that positive. 

I think I lost part of her. Lost that part of me whilst growing up these years. 

I don't know what's wrong now, but it's just difficult to just express any of these feelings to anyone, even him. I think that I'm going through this phase, this phase where...everything I feel just mushes together like mashed potatoes, and it makes me feel so confused, unsure of what I really do want. 

I've been obssessed with the Twilight Saga these few days haha, I won't deny. I had this Twilight Saga marathon with sissy the other day, and then I started to re-read all of the books again. Its been only about a day and a half, and I'm already on the third book. And then this hit me, 

True
it really did. And while reading of this undying love and indulging myself with this sappy, sappy love story, I've come to realise that movies and books are really to blame for the high expectations we expect in reality. I know this, because from young, its all I've ever wanted. This perfect love story. But growing up has shown otherwise.

Love

Because nobody is perfect and prince charming wouldn't come in his shining armour and wouldn't be as handsome as they showed him to be in those Barbie shows. He would be normal, blended in with the rest of the crowd. And usually those that we think are our "prince charming" are usually jerks who breaks your heart and dump you cause they usually have the upper-hand of making you feel inferior because they've got looks and ego. Those that don't blend perfectly normally with everyone else, hard to notice and sieve out but really one of them is that perfect prince-charming you've been waiting. And the princesses they show in cartoons aren't nice and caring as they depict, but in reality, due to their riches or fame, they mostly come off as bitchy or slutty or they aren't very nice. Like the saying goes, "Don't judge a book by its cover."

So, yesterday marked the official end of the first year of JC. Heh, fairly happy and satisfied that I'm done with one year and surprisingly, I came out alive, though black and blue, but still. One more year till graduation and headed over to the big U that I've always been wanting to be at. Heh. But honestly, after coming to JC, I've seen that my vulnerability, gullible sense and kindness wouldn't do me much good in the future. Sigh, but I can't seem to change this part of me. I still cry at little things, laugh at everything and don't suspect no shit when everyone else actually is worked up as hell for a matter. Haha, guess I'll always be this lil girl. This part I'm sure will never change. 

And to end off for today...

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 Daddy, you turn 51 officially today. And god knows how many things you have suffered, enjoyed and relived in the past few many years of your life. I know that you're getting old, and I have been trying to be on my best behaviour ever since I graduated from secondary school. I know that I've brought you so many troubles before, and kept you up at night worrying, and in the days, constantly worrying about me too. I know that I give you more anxiety and worries than all of the kids you have, and that I too own a dominant part of your love and heart. I know that there are no words which would be able to represent the thankfulness and love for all the things that you have done for me before. But I promise that I'm being the best that I can be right now. No more lies, nothing. And I'm greatfully thankful that you've come to accept the fact that I've grown up now, that I can take care of myself and although this means higher expectations and more responsibility and stuff like that but I will do better and be the best daughter you're ever gonna have. Hah, and I love the fact that you're the craziest, absolutely cutest daddy on Earth. I love you so much my heart hurts and I don't know how to let you know how much I love you but I just do. Happy Birthday daddy, with so much more to come, xoxo 
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Of course, not forgetting mommy too. She is absolutely the best mom in the whole world and I love her so so much. Happy belated birthday mom <3 

And I hope that my greatest parents, who definitely deserves the BEST PARENTS AWARD in the entire universe enjoyed all the presents, surprises and love we have shared. I love you both so much, xoxo 

P.S. We danced to Oppa Gangnam Style in the living room just now hahahahhahaha it was so damn funny and good. Would try to upload the video next time!

Till then, 
xoxo

Florence Lee

Florence Lee

Amour Infinito ∞
Did I mention how absolutely how eccentric I can get?
Oh, and people call me Flo (:

I believe that love's the strongest thing in this world, and that true love does exist. We just gotta find it. And I think I already did.

& Someday, I'm gonna be living in Paris.

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